Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
