FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
