My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
