I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
