I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
