she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
