dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
