Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
