So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
