I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
