ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
