apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
