please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
