her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
