Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
