My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
