my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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