Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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