I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
