So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
