Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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