No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
