I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
