ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
