After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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