So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
