Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
