He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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