Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
