for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
