she woke up with a sticky ear
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
