So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
