don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
