Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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