a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
