we're blogging at a bar
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
