Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
