HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
