all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
and you fell through a lawn chair
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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