Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
