i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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