How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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