its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
