i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
