You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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