they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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