Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I understand Curling. That high.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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