I've blown a few things in my day
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
