I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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