You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
