he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
