My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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