Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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