I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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