i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
