Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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