He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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