Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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