I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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