The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
