some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
