dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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