Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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