so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
