I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it was like eating out sand paper
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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